Today [27 Jul 2004|11:55pm] Today I woke up at like 10 am and I was like. WTF. I HAVE TO BE AT WORK SOON! so i ran all over the place. But then the manager called me and he was like, "You work til midnight?" and I was like "Fuck no." so he was like, "Take a day off." so I was like, free day, yaay. So I rang steve and we hung out. I got my amp back from his house and we rockforced the rocksource, i'm like, sucha hardcore songwriter. My skills with Steve's lyrical geniusness = ROCK. So, that's it. We played Halo all day, which was uber cool. It's such a good game, and we just sniped everyone. We went to BK for Steve's interview. The manager came outside and he was like, "Hey! Alex is a good boy, you be like Alex." so Steve was like, "K..". Then the manager like, bashed his fist against mine twice and we were like. Okay.. Wierd Indian man. Like. Totally. We went to Games Workshop and hung, Chris Gomez is still fun to talk to. I think I might start playing it again. Sam keeps asking me to play Gothic with him, and i'm like. WTF. FINE. Char keeps telling me about her sexual activies with Sam. It grosses me out. :| My friend from school, Ben. -fathead- called me today and asked me to hang out with him coz he misses me :P I thought it was sweet in a HOMOSEXUAL way. But still, it's cool. We're gonna go cycling every week together, to like, motivate each other to lose weight. I hate being fat. Can't wait to see King Arthur! Me Ben and Tom are gonna see it, then sometime soon we're all gonna go MOSH to a Nightwish concert. HOORAY! FUN ALL ROUND. Lyrics of the day: Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can Is he smart.. listen bud, he's got the radio actembug! hey! here goes the ..spiderman. TENACIOUS D. ||3 ♂ ||

Today [22 Jul 2004|10:36pm] Today. I met a freak girl. She was really fit and like, half naked in some leather shit ;). But seriously, she believes adamantly in vampires - and she's looking for one to 'embrace' her. Sidenote - Tenacious D are hellacool. ANYWAY. I met her and she was like, "I am a seeker, not a wannabe." and I was like, "wtf, okay." ANYWAY. I want to be Jack Black when i'm older. I went to Spiderman 2 again with a load of friends from school. We all got drunk and raped some old lady - by raped, I mean yelled at. I'm in a good mood :) My old post from the other day was fucking depressing, but now i'm like. WAZZAH! My dad is going away on the weekend. As is my mother. So I have two empty households of doom. WHY WON'T CHAR STOP TELLING ME ABOUT HER SEXUAL ACTS WITH SAM. MAKE HER STOP. IT SICKENS ME. A hot girl smiled at me on the bus today. :) Hooray, self esteem boost! Okay. Steve made a cool riff the other day. And I keep playing it. It's gonna make out band famous. It goes - THIS IS THE S-O-N and G and everybody wants to sing it with me! It goes na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na. ETC. I'm hellacool. TENACIOUS D LYRICS: Malibu nights, tangerine dreams. Malibu knees, Malibu dreams. MALIBU - making a poo.. stinky poo.. looking the view.. Coz it's time for my breakfast it's time for some cheese.. It's time for the stick! Time for the breeze! Time for the.. oooheeeeeheeehee! Okay. I am Alex. Resistance is futile. ||1 ♂ ||

Today [19 Jul 2004|11:25pm] Today I woke up at my dads house. I've been there for the past few days, I hate my dad, he's such an insensitive jerk. He woke me up by hitting me on the head while I was still asleep :| and then he said 'Get up, fatty'. Names like that really make me feel abd :/ so /again/ i'm on a diet, because i'm sick of being called fatty or tubby or whatever. I had a shower so I was all clean today, and I used special shampoo to make me smell like a coconut. After I got out I went to the toilet, I was on it for like 1 minute doing a shit and my dad started yelling. "Get out Alex! Stop masturbating!" and my brother heard and everything, I was like WTF?? Why does he have to say shit like that? Then I went downstairs and I had to go, because I needed to meet my friend in Sutton and I was late. My dad was like, "Alex, make me breakfast and a coffee." And I have to do it every day and it pisses me off so I shouted, "No!" so he, in classic style, came downstairs and slapped me in the face. Then I stormed out and he called me and started apologising blah blah blah like he always does. I fucking hate him. He's such a retard. He actually wears a shirt with a Nazi swastika on it, I mean, WTF??? Anyways. I met my friend and I had fun for a little while, we chatted and had some food then went our seperate ways. I went to my mums, I love it there so much better than my dads. I can do like.. anything I want. Anyway, my mum went shopping and she asked if I wanted anything, so I asked for lots of DIET fizzy drinks and lots of weightwatchers stuff. She came back with it all and i'm eating healthily and stuff, hoping i'll slim down. I went out with Steve and hung with Mikos and Richard and Ru and Chris etc and some random fat kid who well looked like Samwise Gamgee :O It was kinda fun, but I didn't really like it. Everyone spent all day talking about their girlfriends, and girls who fancied them, and stuff they'd done, or were going to do with/to them. I've only ever had one girlfriend, and we never did anything more than make out, so I couldn't exactly join in the conversations, so I felt left out. I didn't even want to! Like, Ru kept talking about how he was going to go to some drunk girls house and take advantage of her. Everyone was like "GO RU!" and I was like, "WTF? are you a perv or what?" It makes me think if there's something wrong with me, then random hobo Samwise Gamgee lookalike called me "Virgin" for the rest of the evening. That really helped my mood. So when he wasn't looking I put a dead fly in his pepsi. I got the bus home by my self coz everyone else went in different directions, it had to go to a random BUS HALT thing, where it just stops for like 15 mins and does nothing. I was thinking there for the whole time about how much I hated life, and hated myself. I mean seriously, every day, I get up. And I think, "What am I doing today?" and I come online and ask /everyone/ I know if they want to hang out with me, just so that I don't end up sitting at home by myself feeling lonely. I hate feeling lonely, I always feel lonely. Even when i'm in a room full of people I feel lonely. Is it a bad thing when you daydream about different ways to commit suicide? I'm going to write a song about the way I feel I think, might help me get over it. I'll write an inspired chorus about how always feeling lonely has made me so self dependant that I push everyone else away and get shy around anyone I don't know therefore making me DESTINED to be alone. Destined to be alone. I should write a short story about my life with that title. I got home at about half past 10 and just went and sat down and stared at the clock for like 5 minutes, I felt completely drained. Because I know i'm going to wake up tommorow and go through basically the exact same thing, just feeling alone, there's nothing worse than feeling alone. Your own thoughts are never good company, ever, because you never think anything good. Not about yourself anyway. It's amazing how such little things can get to you. Like, today, I saw a girl who was like 15, and attractive. And I thought, "She's alone, go say hi." and then I started BOMBARDING myself with thoughts about how she'd tell me to get lost or go screw myself and she'd laugh at me and i'd be embarresed and shrink away and everyone else nearby would laugh at me and think I was a loser etc etc. Just one look at a random stranger and i'd created a whole scenario about how everyone nearby thought I was a loser. I mean. WTF. Life sucks. ||2 ♂ ||

Today [16 Jul 2004|10:00pm] Today I got up at 6 am, which is insane for me. I can hardly believe it, I was like BLARGH and I just fell all over the place. But it was all good, coz I got the bus to my dads house to meet my friend, Tom. Tom's like some 8 foot tall giant with mop-hair, he's my best friend from school. We had great fun, we played guitar for like an hour and a half then we stole a bottle of my dads wine and got pissed :P We drink one every time he comes round, so now there's like 4 left, out of twelve. lol! my dad'll freak! We ate chicken meatballs. Num. Then went to see spiderman 2, it was great! Kirtsen Dunst is so sexy :D, and I wish I was Spiderman, his powers are uberly cool. UBERLY. After the film we went to the toilets in the cinema, and there was some guy in the cubile next to me who was making sounds like he was blaitantly jerking off o.O so we left quickly. We went baaack to my house and played guitar for a bit, listened to music and chatted, before he left. I went EEK, coz I was late for work, and I ran to Burger King. But i'd forgotten my hat, so they gave me a lecture about how hair might get in the food and sent me home. Then I went home and watched Along Came Polly. END DAY. What else is there to do before I retire for the night? I may eat, drink, masturbate or watch a late night channel 5 film. ♂ ||

Bored [14 Jul 2004|11:58pm] I've been wondering recently why the summer holidays suck so much. I guess even though I hate school, it gives me something to do all day. Without it, I just have fuck all to do. I just stew at home most days, I go out, but it's usually boring. Like today, I went out with my friend from school, Ben. All we talked about was school, and how we did in our exams. Then we watched around the world in 80 days which is /also/ boring. Everything is boring! I should find something to amuse myself. The only time i'm really having fun these days is when i'm hanging out with Steve or the other guys I know from the Games Workshop. (Not that i've ever been there -COUGH-). But none of them seem to like me :(. Charnose (a friend) told me that they'd all got together at Mike's house, when everyone had told me they weren't going to do it. Which upset me, why can't they just tell me they don't want me to come? lying about it isn't going to make me feel much better. Steve said it's because I annoy them.. what did I ever do to annoy them? I'm not loud, i'm not violent, i'm not stupid, I try not to misbehave. Whatever. Tommorow i'm going round Steves, and Friday Tom is coming round my house. So i'm gonna try and stop being bored, forget about who likes me and who doesn't, and have fun. :) Plus, I wanna get drunk soon. I haven't been drunk in ages. ||2 ♂ ||

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